According to Judd, author of the books Love Has Wings and Why Walk When You Can Fly, “Most of us live in a condition of codependence, be it with our spouses, friends, or social group.” She claims that we allow people to mold our beliefs and decisions to the point that we lose sight of who we are independent.
According to Judd, autonomy entails having “the courage to be ourselves, as well as the self-awareness to know who we are and what we desire.” People use the terms independent and autonomy interchangeably. Because we’re sociable animals that rely on others.
True independent stems from self-love. When I don’t accept myself? I don’t have faith in myself or my decisions, so I let others determine who I am and how I act.”
- Get to know who you are.
You can’t be self-sufficient unless you know who you are. Journaling and reflecting on your day to come to know yourself better.
“Did I speak my truth?” you could wonder. “Realize the difference between what you’re experiencing inside but how you display yourself to the entire world through your statements and behavior.”
- Examine your assumptions and beliefs.
Keep an eye on your beliefs and be open to challenge them. Our ideas are often so ingrained in us that we don’t even think to check if they reflect how we actually feel: knee jerk reactions that just repeat the past.”
These viewpoints are frequently impacted by our external settings and the individuals we interact with. Believe that reevaluating our perceptions of ourselves and the environment is essential for growth. “There can be no evolution without change.”
- Take a more forceful stance.
According to Lancer, author of How To Communicate Your Mind: Become Assertive and Set Limits and 10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Complete Way to Stop Self-Criticism, becoming assertive is a powerful way to improve your life and boost your self-esteem, which in turn helps you become autonomous.
You may improve your assertiveness by practicing it. Setting healthy boundaries, learning to say no, and being open and honest about your wants and feelings are all part of it. It entails treating yourself and others with respect.
- Begin making your own choices.
Choosing how you want to spend your day is one way to ease into making your own decisions. “What do I want to do?” you might wonder. Take into account your personal interests and activities.
- Take care of your requirements.
People in codependent relationships excel at addressing the demands of others while neglecting their own. Emotional, social, bodily, and spiritual demands are all present in everyone.
Identify your needs and look for ways to address them. For example, if you sense you’re lonely, respond by calling out and making plans to have dinner with a close friend. “It’s starting to feel self-responsible.”
- Master the art of self-soothing.
Allow yourself to recognize and experience your emotions. Instead of thinking to yourself, “‘I shouldn’t feel this way,'” or disregarding your sentiments, be a good parent to yourself and soothe yourself. Take the time to discover what soothes, supports, and makes you joyful.
Again, growing more self-sufficient entails relying on “your own internal guidance system” rather than other ones. And it’s crucial to happiness. “Chasing other people’s ambitions can never satisfy us; the only way to find true pleasure is to live independently.”